So we all have heard the news about Mickey Mouse and Tim Sweeney deciding to become besties. There is some excitement about this news and some dread. I have spent enough time working in entertainment to look at this news and sigh.
Let’s go through these reactions one at a time.
The Excitement.
I think this emotional reaction is powered by the feeling of “something something metaverse.” Last year was a big hype year for the metaverse, and then nothing happened. While the press releases were very clear to steer clear of the metaverse word, you cannot stop people from getting excited.
Some of the excitement also comes from Disney’s giant library of IP. There are people who love that mouse and everything tucked away in his IP pocket. It has been a while since Disney has made a move of this size in games, and I will talk about that later.
For the people who are excited for metaverse reasons, I am not sure how you got there from here. “A bigger walled garden” is not a metaverse.
We cheer for Tim Sweeney making moves in the ecosystem because twelve percent is much better than thirty percent. If you have not yet run out and got yourself a copy of Slaying the Dragon, and want to understand why these numbers are so important, now is the time to do so. Hint: The dragon dies. Sorry for the spoilers. You aren’t going to click on my Amazon Affiliate Link anyway.
That last reason is really the only reason for any excitement in this news release.
So let’s move on.
The Dread.
I also think this emotional reaction is powered by the feeling of “something something metaverse.”
Stop it, already.
You are not going to make fetch happen.
In my opinion, an actual metaverse, as written about by “Mister Metaverse,” who lives in Metaverse-ville, at the corner of First and Metaverse Avenue, wearing his “I heart metaverse” shirt during his annual appearance each year on International Metaverse Day, is not what anyone is actually building.
The actual metaverse will be the agreements and connective tissue between each “really big well-funded universe” that everyone is building today.
Until Batman takes his TMNT sword from Fortnite and high-fives Harry Potter inside Azeroth, and the player who did these things bought access to those things from Multiple Different Purchase Points, we ain’t got no metaverse.
There actually is a real reason to have some dread about this news release. Anyone partnering with Tim Sweeney and Epic is a great way to stack more people against the “duopoly-gunna-thirty-percent-you” that has cost Tim so much lawsuit munnies is exciting. However, you really have to look at what they agreed to do. They are going to build a Fortnite Disney “something something.”
I spent three hours last night building shitty Lego houses in Fortnite. You should do this, too, and see how many tears of frustration you can blink away while trying to get to the end of your Battle Pass. This is not the flying car of the future you and I were promised.
Le Sigh.
And so here we are, once again, ready for the wisdom of GenX. We saw all of the cheers; we saw all of the tears. We just kinda sat by the sidelines, and when the audience was prompted to turn to us, we shrugged and went:
“So?” and walked out of the room.
Disney has done dumber things with a billion dollars. The cynic in me will note, for posterity’s sake, that Disney gets really excited for games every seven years. Seven years is institutional memory for companies, which means they have forgotten about the hot stove they are about to touch. Sure, it is nice eye candy for the returning CEO to pump the stonks a little with an easy announcement. He needs a win. His Disney Plus has been kind of a Disney Minus. “All the kids are on these screens, so we need to be where our audience is at.” Queue the “How do you do, fellow kids?” memes.
Yes, I am sighing. I guess I will log in to… Whatever it is they are going to build. My expectations are not high. I am secretly hoping that I will at least get some battle stars out of it if nothing else. While playing Lego Fortnite was not a “five stars” experience, I did get some surprise levels out of it. That is all I am hoping for. I am certainly not expecting to drop in on Tilted Towers as Mickey Mouse to pickaxe some bots and noobs to death while singing, “It’s a small world after all.”
Although… A girl can dream. Right?
See you next week.
